Empty Nester Observations - First Impression

Three new Empty Nester (EN) observations.

Having just returned from my third brief getaway with my wife, Soni, I thought it’s time to share my initial empty nester (EN) insights.

Our youngest child, Isabella, headed off to Colorado State University at the end of August making our home officially empty of kids. Our eleven year old dog, Reggie, is with us and that is still a travel and night out factor.

Some of my readers are ahead of us on our journey and I would appreciate your insights and tips for EN’s. For those that haven’t gotten their yet, I’l be posting my thoughts and experiences as I go.

1. No Child at Home, Kids at College – Impact

My first observation is that it feels like the end of a very long and amazing chapter in our lives. This chapter lasted 21 years from the time we had our oldest to the time our youngest joined her siblings and went away to college. These were great times with all the roller coaster parenting and marriage related issues to deal with and enjoy.

A new life chapter is beginning and my wife, Soni, and I look forward to it and hope we make some good choices along the way.

Just like parenting, you don’t know what you’re are going to feel like or experience until you get there. It starts with the fact the kids are out of the house. Parenting has changed forever.

I’m not sure why, but I didn’t cry when they all left this year (Jake, our oldest, lives in Chicago while going to DePaul. Olivia is at U. of Minnesota and still has 1 1/2 years left to go. Correct, that’s three in college at the same time. Despite the ridiculous combined price tag, saving since the day they were born makes it financially stress free. I’m sure the financial part of the college equation will cause anxiety for many and impact what they are able to do as EN’s. I know many parents that didn’t save particularly well for their kids college and paying out of pocket or borrowing like crazy will make the early EN stage much less fun and potential strap them financially.

I feel happy for our kids, not worried at all. They will have great life experiences, fall down a lot and hopefully get up stronger for it. Facetime is nice and we do see each other that way one of more times a week. I try hard not to hover over them any more than that and wish I did it less then I do. Need to let your kids get a way from their parents!

2. Seeing my spouse as my wife first, not as a parent first.

It’s natural to see my wife as a mother first. Since the day she delivered our first child: 21 years x 365 days = 7,665 days of seeing my wife that way. Sure, we got away every now and then, but the kids and parenting responsibilities is never far from our minds. So now that we are EN’s Soni and I looking at each other when we get home from work with absolutely nothing to do. A blank slate. No kids stuff to go to. Our kids now……. out of site, out of mind. My wife, an amazing homemaker, has so much less to do around the house. I feel spoiled by all the attention I’m getting.

We are bought back to when we were dating, young, vibrant, living in Chicago with little money, but not a worry in the world. Thank goodness we have more than two nickles in our wallet these days. Yea! Any or every night we can do almost whatever we want. If only we had the energy we did when we were thirty!

One of many 30 lb Redfish in Venice, LA

As an EN you start rethinking your life. Something about the kids being gone is making me feel old. Part of it is seeing so many other people still deep in the chapter I just left and not knowing how many more chapters I have until my story is over.

Our conversations are no longer quite as kid focused. EN’s are married couples that have aged a ton since it was just the two of them. Our interests have changed since then and become much more clear. Our health and activity levels have changed and for many the good news is we have a whole lot more money than we did 20+ years ago!

We have had a lot of talks about what we wanted to do when this day came. We agreed on one thing, we want to take a lot of short trips, see places and do fun things.

3. What’s Next for Us?

Since college is paid for, I’ve started a new “couples travel fund account” dedicated to nothing, but our fun trips. This is critically important because we are both very frugal (one might say cheap). If we don’t set aside the money for travel we might not actually travel like we planned.

This college semester we’ve taken three short trips:

Kentucky Bourbon Trail – I’m a bourbon guy and now Soni will partake a little too. We scored a centrally located ABNB in Louisville and managed to see 4 distillery’s (Maker’s Mark, Woodford Reserve, Four Roses and Buffalo Trace). We also saw two country concerts at the Louisville Fairgrounds all in a 4 day trip!
Bourbon by the barrel
New Orleans – This trip was initiated by a good friend’s daughter’s destination wedding, but turned into a mini vacation. We went early and did an all day walking tour of the neighborhoods. We also spent an entire day touring the amazing WWII museum . The wedding was incredible and we managed to fit a day of the best fishing anywhere in the United States. Soni was a little hesitant at first, but we got it done!
Halfway uo Camelback Mountain
Scottsdale – Why not? Early December quick trip included three rounds of golf and hiking both sides of Camelback Mountain!

Even though we do not have to cut so many corners when we travel we can’t help ourselves. In the book “The Millionaire Next Door” one piece of advice is to marry somebody more frugal than you. We seem to have been hugely successful doing this.

For example:

My wife found us a 5:50am flight (a little early for me) on Southwest Airlines for $22 total while using only 20,000 points.
We ate snacks on our way to airport – no breakfast
We pack our own empty water bottles to fill and use after security
We rented our mid-size car from Priceline, they offered us a nice small SUV upgrade for only $60 extra for four days – rather than loading clubs with travel bags in back seat. We said “no thank you”.
We stayed the Diamond Resort on Booking.com. I nice size condo with full kitchen, laundry, pool and hut tub (used twice). Only $130/night.
On the way to our room, we stop at grocery store to load up on breakfast foods and snacks. No room service for us.
Time to golf, find a great deal on GolfNow app. Filled.
After making our own breakfast, bring snack and refillable water bottles to course. Almost forgot to mention, brought used golf balls to fill up the golf bags.
We do out of for dinner, but usually have a drink in the room and actually drink water with our meal. Huge saver money saver!

As I write this, I wonder if people think we are crazy. It’s how we were raised. Neither had a lot of money growing up, but we both were and are very happy looking for deals as a way to cut costs as we go.

The fact they we went on these trips and plan on to keep on going on new adventures often is a splurge for us. Some of these things are pricey, like golf in Scottsdale and Red Fishing in Venice, LA. I’m actually proud of myself for happily digging a little deeper in my wallet these days.

That’s the next realization for me and other EN’s. If you have enough money (or are on pace to) splurge a little!

2020 will be our first full year as empty nesters – I’ll let you know how it goes.